Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Looking Back, Looking Back, Looking Back... (Sung to the tune of Welcome Back, Kotter)

So... Looking back...

2003 to 2010... She couldn't find a job or hold any she did manage to find in the Rochester/Williamson N.Y. area... Somehow that was my fault...

2010 to 2013... She couldn't find a job or hold the ONE she did find in the Idaho Falls area... Somehow that and the 50 pounds she gained in 10 yrs was my fault, too...

Funny... I found a job immediately in California and kept it 7 months until it was time to move...

Funny... I lost 25 pounds cooking for myself... Walking everyday and not drinking a half gallon of gin every week to stand living with her...

Even funnier... I have been back in Idaho Falls less than a month... Found a job ON THE WAY here... Found TWO MORE since getting here... Found them today…

Yes, I have three part time jobs and turned another one down... Couldn't be happier... Freedom will do that to you... Yep, that's my fault, too...


Be careful what you believe... Or she'll have you believing she really was a joy to live with... And that... That will be your own fault... I warned you... #irony


Saturday, August 29, 2015

A Full Moon Mindful...

Had a very interesting day yesterday and I’m doing my best to be “mindful” of the synchronicities and positive manifestations when they happen…

Dropped a resume off for another part time gig as a bartender… Private Club… While conversing with the manager he noticed “standup comedian” on my resume… As the conversation shifted to... “Would you be interested in doing a show here sometime after October???”

In the Navy we called… 2.5 knowledge, as the ability to recognize the right answer…

“Let me grab a promo pack out of my truck.”

So yeah, I’d be real interested… Stay tuned…

It is “Grand Opening” weekend for the new owner at The Cellar restaurant… A wine tasting had the place full last night… So we were busy… Worked hard… But had fun… Really enjoyed talking to all the people… Even told a few jokes… Had a few laughs and came “home” happy to a beautiful full moon and my three wonderful boys…

As the boys and I walked in the moonlight I really was aware that Idaho isn’t such a bad place… I’ve certainly been to worse… It’s beautiful here… Pondering on that as we finished our walk… I sat on the farm house steps and remembered actually liking it here the first 4 months I was here in 2010…

I was ALONE in an apartment my first 4 months here in 2010… September thru December… I was making friends and enjoyed my work…

What brought about the change after that???

I was working straight days at INL the first 4 months I was here and though the days were still long… They weren’t shift work death sentence long…

Yes, moving to a house that wasn’t a “home” in a Mormon “Stepford” subdivision played a role also… But there had to be more reasons than that… Hell, I am enjoying it here now… The Mormons haven’t gone anywhere… They’re still here…

I’m mindful now of the “house that wasn’t a home” key… And the fact that shortly after moving to “Stepford” I began working the 14hr death sentence shift work schedule at INL…

“Neighbors” repeatedly knocking on my door within 5 minutes of my arrival home while working that schedule certainly didn’t help make it feel like home… 

It wasn’t coincidence… Once is coincidence… It’s a deliberate attack after that… Especially when the sign said I wasn’t interested… I’m still NOT interested… 

Never will be…

My idea of a “home” is that of a sanctuary… Somewhere safe… Somewhere I can escape to… I couldn’t escape the doorbell and my only escape inside the “house that wasn’t a home”... Was the half gallon of gin I was drinking each week…

I shared an apartment with my three dogs here for more than a year after escaping “Stepford”… But the 14hr death sentence shift work schedule I was still working, never made it feel like a real home… It was a place to nap before going back to work…

I was ALONE in an apartment my first 4 months here in 2010… September thru December… I’m ALONE here and sharing a 27ft RV, in need of work, with my three dogs now… It’s not a palace… But it’s a sanctuary… It’s happy and it IS a HOME!!! The dogs and I are on the same team… I’m mindful and aware of that…

Yes, this blog is followed… I have been unable to figure out how to block that… 

But this is my story to tell… If people wanted me to write warmly about them... They should have behaved better… Word of warning and not just to the ex… There are others… Don’t make me go into detail… I’m mindful and thankful that you’ve made me stronger…

I’m making new friends again and enjoying my work… I don’t have to explain shit to anyone… I only have to understand it all myself… Mindfulness… 

Thankfulness...

Thankful for the mindfulness… Thankful for the people who have helped…


Mindful of the peacefulness… Happy to be here… 

Thursday, August 20, 2015

The Prodigal Son in Wonderland...

Well, two weeks into our return to Idaho Falls… I’m working three nights a week and looking for some daytime work… We’re living on a farm in Shelley, ID… Thanks, Vicki… It a homecoming of sorts for the boys… They’ve spent a lot of time at this wonderland in the past…

The Prodigal Son??? Yes, I suppose my return to Idaho Falls could fall into that description… I’m sure some of you assumed that upon reading the title of this blog… I’m also sure some of you are “wondering” what the hell I’m doing back here… I’m “wondering”, too…

But we’re not here today to talk about me…

No… My “Prodigal Son” is in “Wonderland” with so much room to run and the wide variety of horse and cow shit to roll in… He’s already sampled various “bath shits” since we’ve been here…

He’s also disappeared several times “through the looking grass”… The grass fields surrounding the farm are high enough to hide him and leave me “wondering” where the hell he is…

After his latest adventure this afternoon… He came back tail wagging, a smile on his face and expecting a scolding…

But he came back happy, healthy and CLEAN!!! So there was no need to meet him soap and a washcloth…


My “Prodigal Son” was welcomed home with hugs and kisses… 


Thursday, August 13, 2015

... It's Time To Write Again...

Hello, my faithful readers… Hope this finds you on happy trails… ‘Cuz it’s time to write again… I also hope this finds you excited to know… I moved writing this ahead of taking a shower on my “things to get done today” list…

I do know this story won’t stink as bad as I do now… Minga… It’s gonna make a helluva good movie… It’s my year in review...

Yes, some details have been left out… Some names have been changed to protect the guilty… Other than that… At least most… OK, some… Of the story you are about to read is true… It’s called “Literary License” in the “writing biz”… Enjoy…

So… After Leaving Idaho Falls last August… I spent a week camped with friends in northern Utah… Nearly had the awning ripped off the RV during a windstorm that came out of nowhere…

From there it took me I think two days to get to Ventura… Initially parked at a friend’s house… I took part in The Ventura Comedy Festival last September…

Took a security job at the marina in Ventura… Took the RV to the beach and lived on the beach through the winter… Lots of RVer’s were… Met a lot of nice people… Made some good friends… Lots of people would hang out there… Bring guitars and stuff and sit around and jam… It was really cool and laid back…

The marina was right across the street… Could walk to work… Would take the boys to work with me… Since they don’t look or act like police dogs… I told everyone they were undercover police dogs…

Lost 20 pounds by changing my diet and all the walking I was doing…

The Ventura Comedy Club was right down the road… Could walk there, too…
Was doing comedy there regularly and also a weekly show in LA… Which was cool… But driving the RV from Ventura to LA once a week started to be a drag… It was an hour drive in LA traffic… Then I would have to hunt for a parking place… Sometimes not really close to the club… I would have to leave the boys in the RV and walk to the club… Walk back to the RV after the show and then drive an hour in traffic back to Ventura… Traffic doesn’t ever let up in LA no matter what time it is…

Spring came and when the weather got better, the city of Ventura decided they didn’t want RVer’s camping on the beach… So the cops were there daily to hassle people, give tickets for petty shit… They were pricks… Went toe to toe with a few of them… Figured sooner or later… Me or the dogs would get shot…

Didn’t have to be there and was really tired of going to LA in traffic… So Easter weekend we moved to northeast San Diego County… Ramona, CA… Good Friday… Should have been a 3hr drive… It took 7hrs in holiday weekend traffic… Parked at the VFW there… An old Navy friend was there… I worked at the VFW every morning for a few hours in exchange for the electric hook up… Sweet deal… But I wasn’t doing comedy…

Since I had to quit my job at the marina in Ventura to move… I got unemployment for 13 weeks… Another sweet deal… I made sure I wrote to Harbor Patrol and the Ventura Police Dept. to thank them…

While still in Ventura I had my annual physical at the VA back in January… Won’t go into detail but the doctor there told me I should file for Social Security Disability… So I did…

Well, the middle of June I am on the phone with the Social Security Office two towns over from Ramona… I was using the phone in the VFW Post… It was morning the bar didn’t open until 11am… I had told the guy that I was living there and given him the number there in case he had to call me back… Blah, Blah, Blah… He knew where I was…

Anyway… We were “discussing” my case… And I said… “If my disability payments get denied… I might as well take myself out.” Ah… The magic words… Think before engaging mouth, Steve…

No sooner do I hang up the phone and three San Diego County Sheriffs walk into the VFW… It’s funny now looking back… But…

Next thing I know… Handcuffed and on my way to the VA Hospital in San Diego for being “suicidal”… Then they transferred me to another place, since they didn’t have room there at the VA…

I ended up in the hospital for 12 days… Before I could convince them… I was pissed off and my mouth was running faster than my brain… Though I will say I do think it did me some good to be there…

My friends at the VFW took care of the boys while I was “gone”… I got back to Ramona and the weather was getting really hot… It’s inland so it’s a lot warmer than the beach in the summer…

So a few days before the end of June I decided to head north into the mountains for cooler weather… Spent 2 weeks camping at a Bureau of Land Management (BLM) Campground overlooking Crowley Lake in the Sierra Mountains… We were camped at about 7200ft elevation… Cool temps and we got a lot of rain while there… The mountains around us got snow at the higher elevations… This was the first week of July…

I had planned on going into Yosemite Park… But they closed Sonoma Pass through Yosemite… It’s at 9600ft and they had so much snow they closed the road… Didn’t want any part of driving through snow… So when we headed north from Crowley Lake we ended up going through Reno and camping another two weeks in northern Nevada… While there I was trying to figure out where we wanted to go next…

We were having a great time at both places hiking every day, Riley doesn’t do the long hikes any more… He fell getting out of the truck right before I “went away”… Hurt his leg and I really thought I would have to put him down… But he’s made a great comeback… Now I lift him in and out of the RV… But once he is up and walking he is good and happy…

Campfires every night… Life is good… So anyway… While in Nevada I found out about Silver City, ID… About 2hrs south of Boise… In the mountains… An old 1800s mining town… Now a ghost town there’s a BLM campground within walking distance of the town… Sounded cool… It was… Hiked in the mountains everyday… No noise… No electric in the town… Some people still live there in the summer… Have solar for electric… Sherriff rides a horse… I put his picture of FB…

From there we started east… I was tired of driving so we stopped just west of American Falls, ID and camped along the Snake River for almost another two weeks… Sweet… Swam in the river every day…

Realizing I forgot to visit the Potato Museum when I lived here before… I headed east again… Intending to come through Idaho Falls and go to the Tetons for the rest of the summer… I started looking on line for part time jobs and found the one I started Wednesday here in Idaho Falls… Sent them a resume, blah, blah, blah… Working as a waiter/bartender…

If I stay that long… Still waiting to hear about SS disability, but in the meantime need the job… Still looking for other possibilities, too…

Sent a resume to a place about 2hrs north… A fishing lodge in Montana… Seasonal… through October… Live right there… They give you lodging and all your meals… They close for the winter so then I could go south and come back next spring… Would be cool… But who knows if I will get it…

So for now we are in Idaho Falls… Pulled into the Elks Lodge here Thursday 8/6 after stopping at the laundromat… Almost 8 weeks of camping laundry… Got to the Elks (I am a member here) went to the bar to get the key for the electric hook up… Realized it was the most human contact I had in almost 8 weeks… Except to stop for gas…

Also realized I kind of liked that… Spent 3 nights camped at the Elks Lodge… Then had planned on going to the mountains for a few days before starting work on Wednesday...

Stopped into Lowes on Sunday… To say hello to a friend… Walked past a cashier… Another friend of mine was there buying paint…

Well, she has an old farm house in Shelley, ID… A few miles south of Idaho Falls, it’s all tore up… It’s the house she grew up in… She and her boyfriend flip houses in Idaho Falls and they are trying to fix it up and so she can sell it… So she offered to let me use the electric plug in here for the RV… 

Hence, my status this past Sunday of life's surprises... 

So we are camped here now… It’s like coming home for the boys… They spent a lot of time here before… It’s not far from where I will be working… The boys have a lot of room to roam around and we are good…

So I think I am all caught up… Life is good… We are happy… Healthy and who knows might be getting Social Security soon… Then I won’t have to work the new job and can go anywhere… Anytime…

Might even try booking a comedy tour headed east… But want to be south again by winter if I can… Comedy would be nice… But all my decisions now are based on what is best for the boys… They are my family… So glad to have this year almost 24/7 with them…


And so… Happy Trails to you… Until I Write Again… 

Friday, July 31, 2015

Welcome Back...

Over the course of the last year I have been asked numerous times… If I felt safe camping alone with just the boys in isolated camp sites… Sometimes completely off the grid…

My answer until recently has always been… Yes… Certainly safer than I felt in Ventura, CA… Where it seemed like the Ventura Police Department was a bigger threat to my safety or to the safety of my boys, than any I would find in the woods… 


Until now… In a scene… Actually several scenes not quite out of “Welcome Back, Kotter” my “Welcome Back to Idaho” has brought me dangerously close to some very strange flash backs…

Three times now since leaving the “Ghost Town” of Silver City, ID… People have walked uninvited into my campsite to say “hello”… None them have been greeted warmly… And this being Idaho… None of them were given the chance to ask me if, I’d like to talk about Jesus…

Sorry I am not driving a hospitality house… Like a good neighbor… Stay the fuck over there… 

Yeah… There… Your camp… You want to talk??? Then invite me into yours first, when you see me walk by… Don’t invite yourself into mine, first…

Twice yesterday… I had to thank the universe for the opportunity to be rude…

The first… Despite plenty of shoreline here… It’s a fucking river… Not a puddle… Some asshole… A picnic-er… Here only for the day asked if he could bring his noisy, fucking kids through my camp to let his fucking, noisy kids go in the water there… WTF???

A city boy??? An easterner??? A fucking Mormon??? I don’t know… I don’t care…  

NO… You can’t walk through my camp… There’s shoreline on the other side of the trees… Use that…

Later in the day another camper… Walked in with his wife and one of his kids, there’s at least two of those and a barking dog… I was sitting outside with the boys… Riley and Simon were resting comfortably while JJ and I were having a father and son belly scratch… 

Stopping far enough up the hill to ask if he could come down, when I looked up… My question was… “Why???”

Not bothering with an answer to my question he turned on his heels… Wife and kid in tow and said… “Have a nice day.” 

I was having a nice day, asshole… Thanks…

But even better than yesterday’s adventures in “I-don’t-know”… The first night we spent at Bruneau Sand Dunes State Park… Some asshole… KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AT 1130PM!!!

I don’t know if he wanted to talk about Jesus… But doing something as stupid as that seems like a good way to get sent to meet him…

I never opened the door and while the dogs were barking… I LOUDLY REMINDED HIM IN MY BEST NY VOICE… IT WAS 1130PM and asked him… “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT???

Bruneau State Park is in southwest middle of nowhere Idaho… Google Map it… 

His response was classic stupidity… “Yeah, do you know where the closest ATM is???”

“NO… It’s not fucking in here, ASSHOLE!!!”


Like I said… Walking uninvited into someone’s camp is a great way to meet Jesus… It just might be time to stamp someone’s fucking ticket… 

Only in Idaho… 

Yeah, welcome back… 

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Dragnet... "Dum - - - de - DUM - DUM"

www.televisiontunes.com/Dragnet.html
This is the city… Silver City…

 My name’s Patty…  Hamburger Patty…


My partner, Bull Shitand I were working the Homogencide Division… When we got a call about an attempted homogencide on a camper…


Steve The Nuclear Guy… Had been in town just a few days when he “met” some ATVers while out hiking with JJ and Simon, two of his dogs… The “meeting” was far from coincidental…
Having posted his intention on Facebook, for the world and his ex-wife
to see, to travel to the Idaho back country and visit our fair city… It proved to be the perfect time and place for “the hit”…

Easily set up to look like an accident… The fellow campers/ATVers who he had "met" on the trail were leaving town 3 days before Steve The Nuclear Guy… Kindly offering him the “firewood” they had picked up “while on the trail” on their way out of town… It proved to be anything but simple firewood… Rigged to explode and scatter sparks across his campsite, intending to cause a fire which would kill him and his dogs in a tragic “accident”…
Luckily, Steve’s background as a volunteer fireman and nuclear power plant fire brigade captain saved his dogs, his RV and himself…



His ex-wife…
Still bitter he had chosen his dream of a comedy career over her... Steve added to her bitterness by forgoing that dream to care for his dogs and pursue a life of adventure on the road with them in places like Silver City... Rather than a boring life with her... Now on the run, she is wanted for questioning in this case… Anyone with knowledge of her whereabouts is asked to please contact the Silver City PD to help us solve this case… And bring her to justice…

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Travel Day...

Yesterday… An interesting travel day through a lot of beautiful nothingness… Yet looking back today filled with a lot of lessons…

Not the least of which is… Buy maps… A GPS is worthless while travelling through a countryside where the internet has never been seen and only something people have heard about…

“Internet??? I herd ‘bout that… Always wanted to try that internet thing… I herd ya can see pictures of naked women on that…"

Me… “Yeah, it must get boring only looking at your naked mom…”

So I had planned on camping at a place called Birch Creek in southeast Oregon… But the GPS went off line… Leaving me to try to find it in the back country on my own… In the immortal words of another great American…

“I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks.”
I’m just glad it wasn’t several weeks… Though there were times yesterday’s confusion felt that long… We never found it…
So we are in Idaho a few days earlier than originally planned… Visiting some friends in the Boise area for a few days… Then headed to Silver City, an 1800’s mining town, on Monday… Silver City is now a “ghost town”… It’s not masturbation… It’s sex with a ghost…
The boys and I will load up with about 30 – 40 gallons of water and probably stay there until we’re almost out…
Most likely won’t have any kind of internet/cell signals while there… So it’s good to have one for a few days heading in… We may be out of touch a week or so… But our “connection” and “reception” with the important things will be much better and uninterrupted…
I look forward to sharing the experience with you upon our return to “civilization”… If the world doesn’t blow up while we are gone…
Second… Lost my favorite hat while on the road yesterday… Doing 75mph with the window open… Leaned back to check my side view mirror and whoosh… Off my head and out the window… Damn!!!
Revisiting some things I wrote about in my last two posts…
Yes… It seems like Option #2 is our best decision and I will spend most of August somewhere in Idaho redoing my website and working on booking shows on the road from September forward… Usually booking myself as the host and using local comics to help the draw… I will be able to work on newer bits and improve my crowd work…  
Though I am hoping to book a return show or two in southeast Idaho before heading out on the road again…
Once on the road we’ll head south again… Though taking our time and performing as much as I can get booked… We are planning to be in Ramona, CA again for Veteran’s Day, so I can help out during the “Buddy Poppy” fund raiser again…
The plan now is to spend next winter in Slab City, California… I would like to try running a weekly comedy show there and will welcome any intrepid and daring comics who would like to join me for a show there…
Summers are too hot for me there, so we’ll probably look for a BLM camp host gig somewhere in the mountains next summer…
So that’s the plan for now…
Revisiting something else I wrote about in a previous blog… About my recent hospital stay… And again not to get all spiritual on you… But considering the countryside we have been living in and travelling through… I think I can say I feel like “a voice shouting in the wilderness”…
I‘ve said a lot here about my “unbelief” beliefs… Though I still don’t think there’s an “old man in the sky” so to speak… I am grateful for the almost supernatural protection and provision I am seeing, manifesting and experiencing daily… We’d still be stuck out in yesterday’s wilderness experience without it…
So anyway expect to see it referenced in gratefulness in most of my blogs going forward… The boys and I are not on this adventure alone… I’m feeling blessed…

So… Until I Write Again… Happy Trails to you…