Friday, July 31, 2015

Welcome Back...

Over the course of the last year I have been asked numerous times… If I felt safe camping alone with just the boys in isolated camp sites… Sometimes completely off the grid…

My answer until recently has always been… Yes… Certainly safer than I felt in Ventura, CA… Where it seemed like the Ventura Police Department was a bigger threat to my safety or to the safety of my boys, than any I would find in the woods… 


Until now… In a scene… Actually several scenes not quite out of “Welcome Back, Kotter” my “Welcome Back to Idaho” has brought me dangerously close to some very strange flash backs…

Three times now since leaving the “Ghost Town” of Silver City, ID… People have walked uninvited into my campsite to say “hello”… None them have been greeted warmly… And this being Idaho… None of them were given the chance to ask me if, I’d like to talk about Jesus…

Sorry I am not driving a hospitality house… Like a good neighbor… Stay the fuck over there… 

Yeah… There… Your camp… You want to talk??? Then invite me into yours first, when you see me walk by… Don’t invite yourself into mine, first…

Twice yesterday… I had to thank the universe for the opportunity to be rude…

The first… Despite plenty of shoreline here… It’s a fucking river… Not a puddle… Some asshole… A picnic-er… Here only for the day asked if he could bring his noisy, fucking kids through my camp to let his fucking, noisy kids go in the water there… WTF???

A city boy??? An easterner??? A fucking Mormon??? I don’t know… I don’t care…  

NO… You can’t walk through my camp… There’s shoreline on the other side of the trees… Use that…

Later in the day another camper… Walked in with his wife and one of his kids, there’s at least two of those and a barking dog… I was sitting outside with the boys… Riley and Simon were resting comfortably while JJ and I were having a father and son belly scratch… 

Stopping far enough up the hill to ask if he could come down, when I looked up… My question was… “Why???”

Not bothering with an answer to my question he turned on his heels… Wife and kid in tow and said… “Have a nice day.” 

I was having a nice day, asshole… Thanks…

But even better than yesterday’s adventures in “I-don’t-know”… The first night we spent at Bruneau Sand Dunes State Park… Some asshole… KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AT 1130PM!!!

I don’t know if he wanted to talk about Jesus… But doing something as stupid as that seems like a good way to get sent to meet him…

I never opened the door and while the dogs were barking… I LOUDLY REMINDED HIM IN MY BEST NY VOICE… IT WAS 1130PM and asked him… “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT???

Bruneau State Park is in southwest middle of nowhere Idaho… Google Map it… 

His response was classic stupidity… “Yeah, do you know where the closest ATM is???”

“NO… It’s not fucking in here, ASSHOLE!!!”


Like I said… Walking uninvited into someone’s camp is a great way to meet Jesus… It just might be time to stamp someone’s fucking ticket… 

Only in Idaho… 

Yeah, welcome back… 

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